I had what they thought was a chronic illness for 3 years at the ages of 22-25. Basically my symptoms made me go to the hospital everyy weekend to have my body flushed. I was in a lot of pain and could not do any physical activity whatsoever. Eventually I started secluding myself from society and completely disavowed my belief in God. It really took a toll on me. And on top of that I was working 80 hour weeks half of the year and studying for my CPA.

I dreamed about shooting myself in the head everyday. I was completely dead inside and felt no emotion whatsoever.

After going to my 14th doctor she found the problem and I had surgery. That was 6 months ago. I have started weightlifting again, got a new job, and am going to therapy to get mentally better. I haven't really reintroduced myself to my old friends and girls again yet but I plan on doing that shortly so I can work on social skills that I may have missed in my young 20s.

I also agreed to move abroad to London for work in 6 months. I get a fresh start. I can tell you that this is the first time I have felt happiness since 2014. I am not there yet but everyday I am beginning to feel like my old self again.

I lost my early 20s but I did gain something valuable (that I dont know how to describe) that no one else has my age. I am not going to say never give up because I did, but I will say that it can get better. Being on the other side, only if I have barley scratched the surface, is beautiful. I can smile again, feel emotions, and appreciate that I am actually alive.