Any other mixed Asians out there (or mixed looking) who aren't considered attractive by others?

Hmm, I think my first reply was too general. It looks like there are two different issues here.

  1. Being an unattractive woman
  2. Your self-worth

For the first: I obviously don't know what you actually look like. I have to admit my first impulse is to say you probably look fine, especially because you mention being being fit and working out. That being said, if you are in fact unattractive, that would be dismissive and unhelpful. So, for the purposes of this discussion, I'll take you at your word.

You are right. It's not easy being an unattractive woman, especially in a society that places so much value on women's beauty. It's even more frustrating that unattractive women's problems are often ignored. I've read on various /r/AskWomen threads about how people will say something like, "I experience the world differently because I'm unattractive" and their friends will respond, "What?! But you're sooo pretty!" It must be irritating to not only have negative experiences based on something you have no control over, but to have those experiences basically made invisible.

That being said, how this is affecting your self-esteem is becoming a potentially unhealthy burden for you. I looked through your post history a little (sorry) and it sounds like you have a lot of good things going on - decent education, loving boyfriend, smart enough to learn several languages on your own. To me, regardless of whether or not you actually are physically unattractive, it sounds like you've made a lot of what you were given. And yet, all these good things are getting overshadowed by insecurities about your appearance and family background.

Thoughts like this:

I feel like the vast majority of Eurasian and full-Asian looking women out there are beautiful if they put in effort

...I mean, who knows if that's true or not, but what I hear in this sentence is basically "99% of people are beautiful and I'm a freak."

I don't know what else I can say as an internet stranger, but there's obviously a lot more to this issue for you than just looking mixed. It sounds like you feel like you don't measure up in many areas of life. I hope you give yourself a lot of self-care and explore where these feelings are coming from, because they are important, and you sound like a lovely person who is very, very hard on themselves.

/r/asianamerican Thread Parent