I think it’s possible that men can say those things with good reason beyond what you’ve experienced and I think that while it’s smart of you to be cautious and identify possible patterns — it may also be a shame if you define strong causalities that prevent you from connecting with someone outside of your experience or comfort zone.

What I mean is in reference mostly to your third paragraph. Personally surprise for me is often connected to relief and happiness because of my own experiences. I’m often elated to find a woman who is “down to earth” and has a less-superficially-focused value system because I myself have a self-perceived-less-than-average-superficially-focused value system and that isn’t what I’ve experienced to be “the norm.”

Not trying to invalidate or gaslight your claim / theory bc I could see what I’m saying coming off that way but I hope instead that it helps you refine your theory with added room for love you may have yet to experience and want to.