Has anybody else learned in their childhood how to cry without making any sound or face expressions? I cannot do otherwise.

Of course, try finding counseling with someone who specializes in narcissism. Crying is completely okay, I feel like you know this intellectually but because of your mom reacting in the way that she did every time you cried, your brain has registered that as a reaction you'll always receive with everyone. There's a psychological word for that but I forget. But because of this that's probably why you find it so hard.

I feel like you should open up to him whenever you're ready and feel okay enough to do so. You can even practice doing this by looking in the mirror and as you do that, work on changing your perspective. 'I'm a human being. Everyone cries."

It's a work in progress to reteach yourself basically how to even be human after having a narcissistic parent and dealing with them for so long. So be kind to yourself. There's an app called Journey on Google Play store and on web it's Journey cloud. It's a diary. And you can secure your own password. Try Journaling and see if it helps you in the long run.

Also, sorry for not really answering your question and instead giving advice. I read your post and felt weird passing it without saying something hopefully helpful.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread