It's easier said than done but im trying to work on one issue at a time I mentioned some of the stuff in my post to my psychiatric nurse practitioner and she mentioned disordered eating and told me I should talk to my primary care doctor about it and possibly a nutritionist. I also want to say that the comments from people in my life and being put on diets definitely came from a place of general worry and concern growing up. This is a bit embarrassing for me to put on here but once I found a document I had gotten at 5 so that I could fly with my grandparents it said that I was 4ft tall or at least close to that and 90 something lbs which is obviously unhealthy for a 5 year old too weigh that much.