Has anyone been in an abusive relationship but didn't realize it until after the fact?

I think I knew it was abusive, but I was also thoroughly convinced that I deserved to be in a bad situation (major guilt complex that I’m still dealing with, but I used to handle it in a much more self-destructive way). For the last 6 months we were together, he was hitting me fairly regularly, but in my mind that was fine because I was annoying and needed to be kept in line (which sounds stupid now, but I was 17 and had never been in a remotely healthy relationship). Actually, part of what got me was that in the beginning, he was so sweet about my situation with an ex boyfriend (extreme manipulation and what I now realize was rape), so in my mind he was a good guy and knew what was best for me.

It was only years later that I accepted that the second relationship was emotionally abusive as well. I lost all my friends over a period of 2 years. I wasn’t allowed to do anything fun without him. Family vacations weren’t enjoyable because he would text me the whole time about how I should feel bad that he was alone and not having fun. And by the end he was just putting me down all the time and talking shit about me to his friends and family, so they all just thought I was this lame and emotionally unstable girl who wasn’t worth his time. I didn’t even end it; he decided that I wasn’t fun enough anymore and was holding him back. I couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks after, but once I started to heal I realized what a blessing it was to be out of that situation. And it ended at the beginning of my senior year of high school, so I was even able to rebuild some of my friend relationships and truly enjoy part of my high school experience.

Now I’m in a very healthy relationship and the difference is insane. It took a few years for me to accept being treated well without being suspicious about it though.

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