Wow. I can't believe how close this hits home. Sadly I am the one who is seriously considering a separation from my best friend. This April will be our 20th anniversary.

We married young (we are 39) had kids young and we both helped each other out of a bad situation. I feel like I need to separate not to end our marriage but to see if it can be saved.

We both did shitty things to each other and we both have resentments. Unfortunately I feel like we've grown apart and have only been functioning as roommates not husband and wife. I honestly don't know if we can or even should stay married.

My mom died tragically 3 years ago. Ever since she died I realized a couple things. First, I don't think he is capable of being there for me mentally or emotionally. Second, life is to short to spend it unhappy or with regrets.

I don't want to hurt him or even divorce him if possible. But I can't continue to deny my feelings.

All this to say I'm sorry for what you are going through. I hope it can work itself out but if it can't work out despite your best efforts then maybe it's for the best. You deserve someone who is both in love with you and someone who loves you. I'm not saying your SO is right or wrong but if she truly cant/won't /doesn't want to be with you then YOU shouldn't settle either.

I have been seriously contemplating I may have it all wrong. Maybe I am in a funk (I admit I have been seriously depressed) maybe I am making the biggest mistake of my life. What if my SO realizes he is better off without me if we separate? What if he is happier if I leave and I realize I was wrong?

If that happens then I would say the same thing. My SO deserves to be happy too whether by me or not.

Fight for your marriage, try counseling if they are willing but if they aren't it will work itself out and you deserve to have someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

For what it's worth I've been in marriage counseling for over a year and it has not gotten better :(