Thank you SO much, if you can scan any of this i'd appreciate it. I've been unable to move fwd despite therapy etc. sending in two parts.

PART ONE!: Early May, I met up with a guy just one week before our college's summer breaks. We had been talking very little, superficially for a month online beforehand, but I didn't even have a photo up so he didn't know what i looked like despite living in adjacent dorms. We had an amazing few dates, and he was extremely good looking, talented, kind and funny. However, I felt uncertain about his intentions and had final exam to study for so would leave our dates early and had limited time to spend. The day before he left to the opposite side of the country, he kissed me just a few minutes after putting on a movie (3rd "date"). I pulled back. Mainly because I didn't know his intentions, I was nervous and it was a bad kiss-- he put my entire mouth inside his. he later brought up how bad his kiss was, and i said i had just been expecting a peck and that I felt I hardly knew him so I was uncomfortable (big mistake on my part!) which got him very upset apparently but we made up. He told me he never connected with someone so quickly, I was beautiful our first date felt like an unreal dream and he was falling for me. After he left town we skyped daily for two weeks and within just one week after he left he asked if I was going to date anyone else this summer, and began referring to me as his girlfriend to all his friends. It was wonderful-constant compliments and an amazing connection.

However, I was paranoid that he did not seem over his ex gf (first everything) who he said he broke up with bc of her jealousy, depression, birth control related mood swings, suicide threats. but after they had broken up the september prior he tried to reconnect with her and she refused, got a new boyfriend, and this got him into a deep clinical depression until he met me in May. i was nervous by this past, and it takes a while for me to trust which he could tell. He however went full force, told his family about me, wanted to buy me plane tickets to visit him, come to my town, talked about plans for us years in advance. meanwhile, i didnt want to tell my family about him because my mom was ill and i wasn't sure if he was over his ex. he started to get very angry, (i interpreted because he wanted to go out and have sex rather than being tied down to me all summer) at me for not being able to skype frequently due to no space in my home, that i asked him if he had herpes, etc. and he said i didnt show appreciation for him (i never messaged him first etc, didn't let him send me gifts and I did not send him gifts). He also felt he was constantly policed by me for overstepping boundaries by sexual questions he'd ask, and said it wasn't clear what lines were drawn, and he felt I was leading him on/not truly into him because I was always texting multiple people at once. But he was into me-- he had a "why i keep safe" ID badge at work, and pasted my photo onto it! He sent me songs and learned guitar for me.

One day he mentioned how he liked bdsm and i overreacted due to my inexperience, he thought I was breaking up with him, and said to have a nice life, although I quickly took it back. but then i questioned him as to how quickly he would have said goodbye, rather than us being friends and working through a breakup as best friends. he said he couldn't believe how vulnerable he allowed himself to get, and that i thought he was a terrible person for bdsm yet made him question his own sexuality for weeks. (i told him about a friend who had come out as gay, he asked if i ever was worried about him too, and said the situation made me paranoid and jokingly gave a list of reasons why he could be gay). he was also upset that i did not show my mom yet a cover song and music video he made for her of her favorite. and later on when I asked if we could take a week off of talking about sexual things while I thought some things through, he said he was working on muscles because I like muscles (implying I had made him jealous by talking about muscular ex crushes), that i only let him discuss massaging me nothing else sexual, and if we can't skype or he can't visit we are not in a relationship, and he apologizes for kissing me and hopes in the fall we can start again. that second we decided this, he recreated his okcupid account.

we continued texting, although he'd initially say things how he could never be with me because i had put him through a "spanish inquisition" and he changed his phone photo of me to a potato. But then i told my mom about him (only that we were friends and he had a crush), agreed for him to come visit, and could skype anytime. during this time he mentioned having severe depression all his life, and had a fight with his ex. So one week later when he asked to get back together, I said no and wanted us to work things out slowly and build a friendship. Next two weeks were PERFECT but but when he canceled plans to skype with me for a date i flipped out, altohugh he said he would cancel if I committed to him and he was lonely and would otherwise slip into depression. I then said I could not guarantee kissing him during his visit because i couldnt emotionally handle kissing him yet if things then didnt work out for us. this got him very angry and hurt. weeks later he then tried to sext but started mentioning dominance, i overreacted and then he cried. but he said he would still try to win me since he loved me, sang songs to win me over, next day he said so we wouldnt fight again if i could just tell him my turn ons, i said can i tell you after my moms surgery, he flipped out said i would never be his girlfriend. next day he went on a several hour skype rant how i wasnt a nice person, since i didn't want him but didnt want him with others either. he gave an ultimatum.

All of a sudden though 2 days later he is suicidal, moved out of home, (not sure if this was because his mom caught him having sex with someone though), telling me his ex accused him of rape after initial sex, all this was too much for me as i had my own health issues and family issues, and saw on the skype call the pain i caused him. i supported him but said i was not ready for a relationship. he said he "failed my tests and he truly is the male oppressor all my friends tried to make him out to be because" he proceeded to say hes been having sex with someone and was seriously debating entering a committed relationship with them, and now he will. he said i had wanted to keep him at arms length, while he was supposed to sit on his hands like a good little boy and i strung him along. he then called me and talked about how he basically raped me, because i acted like he lip raped me by kissing me and started giggling how he raped me. he also said i was right about him, and hes bisexual and told his mom and now he's going to hell. for the next week i ignored his calls until he texted me he canceled his trip to my city, told me his suicide attempt was because of me, that i made him sad/rejected/suicidal all summer, how i love to assume the worst and how he never loved me.