PART TWO 1 month later we run into each other at school early september. i cry and apologize, he breaks out guitar and plays a song for me, he asks if we will start being bf/gf finally. Despite having missed him for a month regretting my decision, i thought we both needed to work on ourselves first thinking back to how he had hung himself on a soccer goal post with his belt so i said not yet. we hung out a few times, but one night i felt so stupid dancing with him after he had sex with someone else while proclaiming love for me so when he said I looked beautiful i told him we were just friends. he got so angry, stormed out, said he couldnt' look at me without kissing me and i stupidly said i wasn't ready. he was upset i had ruined a wonderful night when he wasn't even saying apparently we were more than friends. he also couldn't understand how 2 people so perfect for one another couldn't be together. he upset me because he had started a band (my idea) without me, and refused to let me in it, and also had made fun of fact his friend didn't like me.

he then started to say things like how he was gonna ease me into intimacy and help me which annoyed me, and confused me since all my friends would yell at me for seeing him and were preventing all interactions with him. i had a million school deadlines was super behind and so i wanted to handle school stuff first. 2 days later he said i was avoiding him so i had him come see me and my friend in town at a food event. He ran out saying i humiliated him, he was suicidal all day bc of me rejecting him, and then he thought we'd hang out in private along or go out and instead it was in public with my best friend laughing at him. He said friends dont matter only kissing someone you love does, and couldnt i do this for him saying he loved and needed me. he said he's only been happy when he's in a relationship and what will i do when he gets a girlfriend. I said we fight, and he denied this and said we were perfect. i just didn't think it was healthy for him, so i said no, was scared for him and me, and refused to go somewhere alone w him. i cried all night for week about the incident.

i facilitated him getting meds/school support and his friends (he has 6 best friends/roommates) involved. we tried hanging out a few more times, but he seemed unstable still making jokes about blowjobs, revealed he had been suicidal that day bc another girl rejected his request for a date, and then he stormed away from me saying i was self centered and had no empathy and was just power hungry because i made him wait for me at a student org meeting. i only next saw him because he was sad his ex girlfriend put a no contact order against him at school beause he kept trying to be friends. he then asked if anything was on my mind and i said no, bc despite loving him i didnt like how he made a comment he would have preferred being in trouble due to me not her the girl he had loved. I was shocked, but should have realized he was stressed speaking nonsense bc then he also said he'd take a bullet for me.

we didnt talk for TWO weeks i let go by without contacting him. but i suffered the entire time hoping he would. we meet 2 weeks later and apparently he was so mad at me the night I made him wait at the meeitng, and then the next day when i said I had nothing on my mind, he asked out a girl who'd been flirting with him in class. I should have known and committed since i had seen her comments on his page. but i assumed she wouldn't date him. she's a known catholic abstinent right-to-life activist person on campus. I was a huge activist for LGBT. he tells me he is in love with his new girlfirend, but that she's abstinent and he's played the waiting game before with his ex and so he needs to see how that effects him but he'd try and change her, and she's anti sodomy, but his views aren't fully formed yet. I was at first supportive, at end i try and tell him i had planned on telling him i was ready, he said omg why didnt you tell me, so i thought it could work. but then he saw my friend who hates him talking to me so then he said "i shouldnt be here," we were better as friends, hes too sensitive for a maneater like me as i led him on and also have too many friendships (he hates me always fb chatting with my best friends who live abroad), am rude and i said but can we talk as friends bc how did something so beautiful get so bad, he said our relationship was never good on 2nd date he hated my phone usage and family always contacting me, and hes starting to see those red flags with his girlfriend. he then ran away from me within 2-3 minutes. One week later he contacts me because they got into a fight and he wants to know what i meant. i tell him i looe him but he says things like "how do i know you wont change your mind" and how he thinks we are better as friends without all my drama, and made comments about my phone usage, but that he'd figure out what to do because their relationship was at a "standstill" and he wasn't sure where it was going, and that he's still attracted to me. I said "I know" in response to this, and didn't defend myself because I was too debilitated knowing they had broken up for a day, and in that interim only contacted me after they were going to try again. I didn't hear from him, i texted him saying i loved him, offered a physical relationship w him. he responded saying im attractive, and caring but he is with her now, and despite wanting to be with me he needs to do his best to the person he's committed himself to, and hopes we can be friends.

i didnt respond because the message was so shocking. he had previously been obsessed with me saying i was the most beautiful person he ever met. He didnt ever write again after his message which included "are you ok?". A month later i wrote, he said he'd love to meet up to listen to music, and we met up. I told him how I got extremely depressed from my stupidity and mistakes and he said I was intense and most people think of breakups and relationships more flippantly. He took me out for my birthday that night, but after I kind of told him off (in a nice way) about all his promises and how I believed them, he said he hopes I find someone more compatible with me, we fought a lot, and did I really expect him to dump her back when this happened when he thought I was just jealous he got a gf. i then said i would have dumped my friends and done anything, and asked how my texting was important, he said i had to figure out what was important on my own.and he let me walk home alone 2AM crying hysterically. he also said he didn't break up with his ex bc of her suicide threats, so that confused me. he also didn't remember telling me a lot of other things. we also got into little fights-- for ex. he said he was glad i emailed him because he thought we'd never speak again cuz id be too angry. so i said "interesting" and he said " i always do that." Next morning i texted thanks for dinner and the clarity and i was thankful for our friendship, he said "thanks, i hope it was helpful and that you find happiness in the little things." Now that's a month ago and he's never reached out to see how i am. Anyway, his girlfriend now of 3 months---- shes a millionare, beautiful, tall and plys the violin like him, kind, probably sets limits and set times to talk to him so he doesnt get frustrated, theyre both engineers, he was an athetist but grew up christian home schooled extreme. all his siblings are christian and right-to-life and anti-gay. they now have had a successful functional relationship we never got to have due to timing, my being overwhelmed, my listening to my friends and him now being on meds. He's moving across the country with her in spring and they are heading towards an engagement.

He's everything I always wanted in a guy, and I ruined everything. He's pretty objectively amazing, and it's shocking I just can't understand he could get over me so easily quickly and now they are unofficially engaged. Granted this time, upon my request, he also saw a therapist perhaps he helped. Some people think I should text back to the condescending little things message, and say i realize we aren't compatible, and I'm now in a dating relationship. But others think I should go no-contact. Others think I should try and be friends and initiate contact. January I'm resuming school, and will run into them as a couple which I am so nervous about because that was supposed to be us. It's true I'm dating, but the connection is 0 compared to what I felt with him. and we had so many specific plans. he cared so much and was so obsessed and saw us together for long-term. NO one thought their relationship would last past a month.

I would appreciate any thoughts whatsoever!!