I'm 23. In my teenage years I struggled with a bad social anxiety and I was a bit awkward guy. I also lived in a small town with small social circles... but even though I had friends I somehow missed all these parties and I felt like the world's biggest loner. During that time I got into music and it gave me a new kind of identity, I decided to stay fuck it and as I got older I started aiming to live "faster". I moved to a big city in UK (I'm not from UK and English isn't even my 1st language but through some kind of spite I turned my life upside down) and started living an interesting life for the first time in my life. But I still hadn't got over my mental health problems and I started forming new connections in my home country and when covid started I made the decision to move back to my home country.
Last autumn boredom started getting to me again, but one night while I was going to my friends' house on a bus these 3 beautiful girls started talking to me. They wanted to continue the night with me but they looked young and the place where I was going wasn't the kind of place I wanted to bring people coz I knew there would be drug use involved... and it was a bit more than recreational (let's just say we aren't unfamiliar with IV use). Anyway, I was going to go separate ways with them thinking this was just a random encounter I'd probably regret later not using properly, but then one of them wanted to give me her snapchat while I was already walking away. She was also one of the most beautiful girls I had seen in a while and I couldn't get the situation out of my head.
They had told me they were 18 and I started wondering if that's too big age gap if I decided to keep in touch with them. I'm quite shy and even if they were my age I probably would've thought twice before contacting them again. But the whole situation seemed so random that I thought I should take my chances...
Fast forward to this day, two of them were actually 17 (now 18) and we indeed got back in contact and the girl who gave me her number and I have started getting closer. I started developing feelings to her, and so did her, but it's been all ups and downs... so drama and just general uncertainty. Weeks without barely being in contact at all and then suddenly getting really close again. It's occasionally made me an emotional wreck, and other times manic from pure joy. I've also started hanging out with her friends who are also considerably younger than me. It's given me this quarter-life crisis and sometimes I wonder what the fuck I'm even doing, but at the same time I get the feeling like I'm finally living the youth I should've lived. She's the kind of girl the past me would've had a crush on and barely dared to say a word to her, but the current me is a little more comfortable being around her and it feels like the most exciting thing I've experienced.
I want to think that my intentions are good and I try to treat her equally despite the age gap. I've got real feelings to her, and this is probably the first time in my life I've had that with someone who's not just a distant dream but someone who might share those feelings as well. It's a weird situation because simultaneously I feel like I'm going through a quarter life crisis while also reliving my youth but right now things look good. All of her friends seem to like me too and since they're her friends I'd assume they also want to make sure she's not in a bad company.
**Well this got pretty long... guess I needed to open up or something"