Therapy is your friend. You want a better handle on your feelings. That’s what a therapist does. It’s nothing to be afraid of and it’s the only way you’re happy in the long term. There is no quick fix, trust me. But therapy will teach you how to understand yourself and will quickly clarify what the real fix is.
Please read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey
Please also read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
Make an appointment with a therapist first thing tomorrow. Do one thing to improve yourself every day. Doesn’t have to be much or take a lot of time. You’ll feel a lot better.