You’re seeing gore through a screen, not IRL. Idk if you’d be disgusted or fascinated by real gore, I guess you’ll find out when you find out. I have seen all the /watchpeopledie videos and reading about the Holocaust brightens my day. I see you’re a 14 y/o girl which is surprising. I’m a 28 y/o guy but when I was 10 I mutilated a goldfish with a fork, idk why. Then when I was 19 I killed a porcupine and proudly showed everyone, and they were appalled that I would do something like that, haha. But! As far as lacking empathy or being manipulative, I don’t have that, it might be specific to you. I do believe I have some sociopath qualities but not homicidal ones. All I can say is use it to your advantage. Manipulate people. Choose a career in medical or as a mortician.
Then again, it might just all be in your head because you’re 14 and want to seem edgy (which is OK).