Is anyone else dealing with (unreasonable?) feelings of guilt / fear of being judged / anxiety at the idea of telling anyone you’re pregnant?

• Everyone will think we are irresponsible to have a kid now at our age, living far away from friends and family, with no support network.

Support networks make things easier, but people do without them every day. You are a grown ass woman. You've got this.

• ALL of our friends and family of similar ages had kids a decade ago. SO and I have been understood to be the “child free by choice” couple for over 16 years, working hard and playing hard. They will think we are unfit to be parents.

I bet they'll actually have lots of great advice (and maybe some hand me downs) to pass on. And you'll have the opportunity to form a new network with parents of your child's peers.

• My Mom lives several continents away and is old, wont really be able to visit us, and will be sad I didn’t do this sooner when she was younger and more able to be part of the kid’s life. This will stress her out and won’t be good for her health.

There is so much technology that will enable her to meet baby, even if she can't physically be there. Also, better late than never, right?

• my brother and his wife are “perfect” (younger) parents with two gorgeous kids and an Instagram life. Every time we have visited (they also live far away so it’s once every 12-18 months or so) they make some remarks that indicate they think we’re not cut out to be parents.

Screw 'em. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. Show up, don't feed the kid Draino or forget them in the car, and you'll be fine.

• I am a senior contractor, I pay my own salary (and that of my staff) with a 5-year programme budget that I plan and fully manage. I am entitled to paid maternity leave but I did not budget for that and there are no insurances in place that will cover it. The funding of my programme is public, I feel like I am being very irresponsible to the taxpayers and I’m still not sure how I’m going to deal with this / break the news to my source of funding.

Do you have a lawyer or advisor you could speak to to help you make the right decision here?

• My work involves extensive travel, people rely on me. I have no idea how I’m going to deal with their expectations vs starting a family.

Find a dependable second in command who can fill in for you when you aren't able to be there. People tend to be pretty understanding when you're having a baby.

• It’ll be a “COVID-19 baby” (even though of course it’s actually a Valentines baby) and this seems to carry its own set of judgy opinions.

Yeah, no getting around that one. But hey, at least they'll have a lot of friends almost their exact age.

/r/November2020BabyBumps Thread