I feel what you said about trading it all for a healthy brain, in my soul. There will be a grieving period for how we didn't run and save our nervous systems from their heavy mind control. I wonder if the grief ever really goes away.

I have been running on adrenaline my whole life. The times i pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I was too harsh on myself, flooded with adrenaline, and completely ignored my inner child.

That is part of what they do, they cut us off from ourselves. Making us vulnerable, even to becoming our own worst enemy.

As long as you have desires and dreams, you still have a sense of connection with yourself, and that is where hope lies. I find the most troubling times are when I lose almost all hope and no longer have dreams. You still have your dreams and I hope you go for them and keep that light alive.