Anyone else feel that even though your ex treated you like trash, you’d give anything to feel loved by them one more time

He didnt treat me like trash during the relationship, but he did afterwards. He told me like 2 days after we broke up that he might love the girl he told me not to worry about and broke many promises he made, the biggest being that he wouldn't get with her for a while for the sake of my mental health. He got with her like a week later. After a couple weeks of no contact I caved and I wanted to be friendly again. We ended up becoming a sort of friends with benefits, with him stating that it's not cheating because "we have history, we're doing it because we love each other" aka, he's lying to himself and he's using me. We broke off our fling almost 2 weeks ago and even though it brought my self esteem down so low that I felt like I would never be loved again and that all I deserved was to be his sidechick, I still want him to love me.The fucked up part is that he'd kiss me and hold me and tell me he loved me, but didn't want to be with me. I was essentially his on demand girlfriend. He only wanted me when he had an itch to scratch. I sacrificed my morals just for an ounce of love from him, which I never felt. I was too consumed by the thought of not being the only one. Guess that's karma though.

I know deep in my heart that I need to love myself, but I cant quit him. I feel like I need his love. Our post breakup fling destroy me mentally and my therapist says that if I dont improve soon she recommends that I get a mental health screening. I cant think straight anymore and I'm self destructive. He has broken my down.

/r/ExNoContact Thread