I can relate. First of all, my SO is the nicest person in the world. All my friends love him, my parents love him, he's the super star at his work. He really is great. I even had my therapist take his side over mine, to my face, and once when we split up the person I started seeing thought he was awesome and wanted to hang out! Yep, he's damn near perfect.
I personally am a CPTSD mess, and NC with my family .. and would happily be NC with all in laws.
They're dysfunctional and I'm one of those hypersensitive types who simply cannot bear to sit and smile when I clearly see disfunction, which I usually clearly see. You don't survive multi generational abuse in your own family and decades of life with CPTSD without having a good radar for this shit.
The thing is, they're not directly abusive like my own family. No constant insults or violence. The parents all actually love their kids and want them around. In fact, the dysfunction is that they want them around too much-emeshment and codependancy abound. Plus no one is allowed to be sad, angry, or talk about any sad or angry subjects. Not one word. So no mentioning my daily struggle with mental illness.
I'm not only a hypersensitive, emotive talky person, I'm also a foreigner and from a different socioeconomic background. So everyone's method of dealing with me has been to ignore everything I say for 10 years, at leastsince I got really sick. I mean, literally not answer and look away. Unless I make a pronunciation error in front of the grandkid, or say something about any trouble I've had adjusting here. Then the men are all over me with that 'just go home' attitude. I gave up trying eventually and stopped attending the multiple, obligatory family dinners every year. My SO is over there at least 3 times a week. When I convinced him to move out of his parents place at age 32, his mother left he room crying and everyone blamed me. God, I love getting up in other family dysfunction. Not.
I'm now officially the bitch who doesn't come to Christmas, but every time I do see them and they ignore me, it immediately makes me suicidal. It's a huge emotional flashback to being hated in the adoptive family I grew up in. So I truly can't bear contact. If my SO wasn't the kindest person ever and my only family, I'd run away over this. My idea of heaven is no family contact ever. And no guilt about it.
Yep, no help, no hope, just complaining. Sorry. Would love to hear how obviously nicer, better people deal with in-laws who can't accept or support them. Unfortunately with in-laws you can't just go NC without destroying the life of someone you actually care about.