i honestly feel like my anxiety is better overall by just knowing i have benzos as that last resort. its like the eject button if anything goes wrong

my life is still a mess, mostly because of physical health problems that keep stacking up, but im able to face the problems and follow through with all the appointments and everything i need to.

this may sound dumb to most of you, but one of my biggest anxiety symptoms is not being able to pee in public bathrooms (shy bladder). sometimes i cant even go in single bathrooms because i feel like someone is waiting outside the door to use it after me. benzos helps with this tremendously, especially with the muscle relaxing effect. but just today i was able to use the public bathroom (single room but still) without any issue, in the middle of a main hallway with people going back and fourth. nothing to most people, but an accomplishment for me. and i havtn taken any benzos in 4 days so it was all me.

sure i take a couple pills sometimes and smoke weed and play video games all night, but fuck it.

the one thing that i dont like is the constant worry/threat of having them "taken away". ive been threatened to have them taken away before i even started taking them. "if i find out you are abusing them, i'll take them away..". imagine a doctor saying that with any other sort of medication, its crazy. i dont think they realize the anxiety they create when they threaten to take away a medication thats been the only one to help with your anxiety in the first place.