Anyone else feel suspicious as hell when soneone is nice to you or shows romantic interest in you?

Absolutely. I’ve closed the chapter of romance and love in my life because I can’t deal with the pain.

My parents manifested their love for me primarily through materialistic means. “We bought this for you because we love you” “We sent you on this trip because we love you” All the time, I was deprived of empathy, attention, affection, care and love. And right up till this point, I kept trying to show them through emotional means that I am worthy of love. They wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings and actions so I tried harder and harder. I’m tired and I have admitted that I am not worthy of love.

Because of their ignorance, I also find myself picking out the wrong men. I was in a serious relationship for one year and my ex was a compulsive liar and emotional manipulator. It took me months to express my love to him and then next day I caught him using Tinder. I dumped him and then he emotionally manipulated me and I fell into the trap.

I have closed every avenue for romance and affection in my life. I feel so hurt and betrayed that I might never be able to open myself up to anyone romantically. I don’t trust myself and am certain that I will end up with men that will lie and gas light me.

My mother who has never once appreciated me in me, asks why I have a string of men and why I keep going on Tinder for cheap validation. I go there because it feels good for once that I’m receiving a small amount of attention that you should’ve shown.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread