It impacted everything in my life lol.

I struggled with my mental health since I was little and my unusual behaviour led to thousands of humiliating experiences that led to me socially withdrawing. I've been seeing psychologists and psychiatrists for a decade. I gave up my education, employment and so many more things. I never even dated or used any hook up apps. I'm 28. My few sexual encounters were with guys I had no interest in, but I was really lonely.

Late last year, me and my psychologist talked about the possibility of me being on the autism spectrum. I'm getting tested in September. I hope it makes a difference.

I also have very severe Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Seeing a single photo of myself will make me suicidal and isolate further. I won't let anyone flirt with me anymore. Logically I know a lot of it is in my head, because people are shocked, very confused and upset knowing my diagnosis. A lot of "but you're so good looking?!" "If I was like you, I'd flaunt it in gay bars" "if you're ugly, then I must be really fucking ugly right?!" That last one always said with sadness and anger. Had a psychologist start crying because how much I hate myself.

Hopefully September will open up more to doors to getting better help.