Anyone else’s FH not helping at all?

My husband and I got married after a very long time as a co-habitating couple so were well aware of each other's core personalities and strengths & weaknesses. So I did all of the planning while his job was to show up in a suit. Which is what he told people who asked about the wedding - "ask X, she's taking care of everything, my job is to show up in a suit". It worked wonderfully for us because I am a very efficient type who cannot stand "committee meetings" they're such an impediment to getting things done, and he would have been plumb out of his head if I was showing him spreadsheets and mind-numbing details and a whole bunch of different options etc.. We had a destination wedding with 20-some people in attendance and he told me (and everyone else) many times what a great job I did and how happy he was with how it all turned out.

He only had two questions/concerns about the wedding. First was whether my dress was going to be "all frilly with bows and stuff" and I said "of course not, you know me better than that". Second was the entrance song. He wanted to know if I was going to use OUR song which is special to us but not appropriate for that use. I said "no, of course not, I've got something else picked out". And that was that he never even asked what song I picked he just trusted that I picked a good one. Which was great because that entrance song was the only non-negotiable aspect of our wedding for me. And he remembers it. :) Oh - and he had an opinion on our rings. Style/type didn't matter a bit to him, he just wanted them to match. Which I thought was really sweet.

What did he do? He went over & above to give me a romantic dream proposal. He picked out his suit. He lined up our ride to/from the airport. He took care of all the driving and navigating the strange city in the rental car once we got there. He made sure we got to the courthouse and to the meetings with our officiant and the venue (I planned everything online so we did not see anything or meet anybody until we actually got there). He handled my family who hadn't seen him in years like a champ. And he made sure I was happy. :)

I've seen a lot of posts on here about FHs' involvement with wedding planning and I think it all comes down to the dynamics of your relationship before that comes up. And the fact that men and women are just different. There are always exceptions to a rule but men in general just don't give a s*** about whether something is pink or blush or rose gold, AND they have been conditioned just as we have been to believe that a wedding is the bride's domain, whatever she wants, so they don't want to step on our toes. And because they may not care about all the details we care about they don't realize how much time and homework we put into planning things. One last thought to end on - if planning your wedding is stressing you out and causing friction with your mate then maybe you are planning the wrong type of wedding.

/r/weddingplanning Thread