My mind is still mostly where it's always been... I'm still excited to read and learn. I'm still enthusiastic about music and art... and I still have a desire to follow through with hobbies and whatnot, working on my car, activities...
Happy with the wife and sex/intimacy...
But my body is beginning to fail me, and that's becoming a problem.
I have fairly serious back issues, my knees are shot to hell. Those two things sound cliche, but I'm talking diagnosed failures of those joints. The cartilage is crushed, and moving around can be difficult. Some days are better than others, but I know that I can't really go out and do much in the way of sports anymore, and that's tough for me to deal with.
I have chronic sinusitis, which might be my worst issue, worst enemy. Makes me feel lethargic and fatigued. I've been upside down and backwards with ENT's and I've had surgery, and it just doesn't ever seem to get better.
I have some kind of bladder issue. Pee too often, and it is one more in a string of problems. If I go out, I pee before I leave and plan to pee when I get there. I find myself planning my route, to make sure there are restrooms between me and my destination. I have to consciously maintain a level of hydration but be careful not to drink too much... and when I go to a meeting or otherwise if I'm just around other people I wonder if they notice how often I have to go to the bathroom. It's a little embarrassing. I try not to let it bother me and logically I know most folks probably don't notice... but it is what it is, some thought processes just roll on their own.
I have a tumor on my kidney... it's a benign cyst, and I thought maybe the cause of the frequent urination, but as of yesterday I got a clean bill 'so-to-speak' from the Nephrologist, and so now I'm searching out a new General practitioner/Primary care physician and I expect a Urologist... the only things left that could cause this issue are Bladder and Prostate, so not much to look forward to there.
I'm starting to do some of the things necessary for my health, but it might be a little too late.
I don't know. I'm not the kind of guy to give up easy... I keep pushing, but I'd be a liar if I didn't say all of the little things added up weren't making me a little depressed. The good days are fewer in between.
I want to put "only" in front of my age, but it doesn't feel real. I'm 46.