Yea I get that. And yea I do because its really just extreme FOMO and it morphs into all these worse feelings of unworthiness and depression. You want something so bad that it feels like every other person has it. Once it's done and your on the squad I think you'll feel better sure. But I also think there will come a time when you'll look back and think it wasn't that extreme now that I'm not in it. It always feels worse when your in it. And I'm certainly not trying to invalidate your feelings.
Now this is just talking about sex specifically. Because obviously intimacy and love can be had without sex and vice versa.
But in my personal experience at my elementary, which was a k-12(relevant idk). Most of us came from the same preschool. We were definitely talking about what we heard about sex and playing grab ass. There was a girl that would pretend she fell asleep on the rug so that the other kids could/look under her skirt. We used to go into the opposite sex restrooms, which you weren't supposed to do back then. So at least for us and like 2 other kindergarten classes that's how we were. So I definitely had an interest in sex very young and had many friends they same way.
As an adult I do understand that some of them probably had stuff going on at home and whatnot. But in my case my gma is an RN and she just thought talking about sex openly would be good as my mom had me as a teen. But I went to school and told all my friends and anyone who would listen what I learned harmlessly.
So I do feel like I felt the years of wanting to do it and definitely was in anguish about it for a long time. I definitely was depressed and self conscious about it all through elementary and Jr. High. Me and many of my friends hit puberty in 5th grad so around 9 or 10. Which is normal, the age of puberty starting is as young as 9 years old currently. I don't know if that number changed over the years but maybe parents harped on 13 because they didn't want us thinking of sex before then, not really sure. But I have kids and thats the age that is average now a days. By 6th grade I had some of the biggest boobs in my grade level and did start getting offers but since I'd heard sex hurt I just avoided it at all cost. But that kinda made me feel even worse to be having guys start staring and stuff made me more self conscious. It was a fucked up whirlwind of emotions and hormones. But I got a grip eventually. So I'd say a good 13 years of longing to experience it, then it finally, underwhelming happened, and it was done. And I was just like so that's was it huh.
Then I tried to find someone who make it be like it is in movies and porn but that's just another rabbit hole to be disappointed by. Sure it's different for guys because yall are alot easier to get off. But Idk. And yea I get what you mean as well. Like I said initially I remember what it was like you really don't forget what that longing was like. But yea I think once you've done it there will eventually come a time where your excitement for it will plateau out and it won't rule your life in such a way that if effect every aspect. But the heartbreak that comes after sex and being rejected and or cheated on hits so much differently. Oh the despair. Lol but we all crave to be loved and appreciated for us.
Do you think if you were still not able to have sex but had a girlfriend that you connected with on that emotional intimate level that you'd still feel depressed and all the other negative emotions? Or is it solely about the sex you want to have?
These things really get away from me and get long quick sorry.