I’ve been married for 20 years and it’s awesome, but if you don’t want to do it don’t do it. I think that’s where the pessimism about marriage comes from - people who can’t control their own minds getting married because of social pressure and then not liking it. Which it makes sense that you wouldn’t like it if you didn’t consciously choose it wholly for yourself.

But my husband and I didn’t grow up being indoctrinated or caring much about social pressure. We’re both probably on the autism spectrum. Also we both had a parent die early - my father when I was seven and his mother when he was 17. So when we were 21 and chose to get married, it was because we wanted to. I don’t think he ever told his father we got married, and I told my mother in a letter.

Anyway, if you do meet someone you want to spend your life with, look at the legal benefits and decide if they’re important to you or not, and then do it if you want or not if you don’t want. There are ways to get some of the benefits without getting married. Speak to a lawyer if not having the piece of paper is more important to you than the legal benefits of having it.

Whatever you choose, you’ll be okay as long as it’s your own carefully thought out choice.