Well, you welcomed it so...
SPOILER ALERT: I talk about the single player mode and particularly its story. A lot. You've been warned!!
>!Preface: I don't hate Splatoon 3. I wouldn’t even say I dislike it. I don’t love it, but I do enjoy it because… Splatoon. Flinging colorful ink around is fun, and I appreciate the quality-of-life improvements such as the upgraded lobby and new cosmetics. The following may come across as harsh (and probably whiny) but remember: If you enjoy anything I said I don’t like, or if you disagree with anything I say here, then that’s a-okay. Don't let my negativity hurt your enjoyment.
The current kits are meh. I haven't found one that I've fallen in love with. I've found a few that are okay, but nothing that I truly enjoy using.
The new special weapons are also meh. And there's too many, so a few specials only appear on 2 or 3 weapons, limiting their usage. Not to mention that the lack of weapon variants is extremely restrictive.
New weapons: The bows are underpowered but could be improved by changing it so you charge at the same speed in the air as you do on the ground. Currently they’re just worse chargers with mediocre inking capabilities and poor damage. Katanas have poor damage outside of their charged attacks which, by being vertical, are harder to land, and they’re outclassed by brushes for speed and rollers for reach/total area covered at once.
Oh boy oh boy, the maps. Where are the flanking routes??? I concede that Splatoon 3 has been out for less than a month so who knows what'll change, but back on topic...
Hagglefish Market is the best of the bunch. I found myself enjoying that one quite a lot. Scorch Gorge is okay but still lacks flanking routes. Eeltail Alley is okay but, as with Scorching Gorge, lacks flanking routes, though the varied terrain does make up for it slightly. Undertow Spillway is a sin against God and should be cast into the depths of hell... Or they could delete the glass walls on their side of the map, adding in side routes so you can avoid the hell that is the center of the map. Either or.
To start, I did end up having a fair bit of fun in this first fest (I didn't play the testfire) but the omissions and changes from Splatoon 2 were felt strongly.
The lack of a Shifty Station is a massive disappointment. While the sea snails are a big reason to play during Splatfests, Shifty Station provided a fair bit of fun while actually playing. Even if not every variant from Splatoon 2 was a solid hit it didn't especially matter since they were only around for a short period of time.
Tricolor Turf Wars. Played it. Didn’t love it. Some people have suggested that Shifty Stations be purpose-made for tricolor battles and I agree. If this new mode is going to stick around it needs some major reworking.
It was... an experience, to say the least. I enjoyed the Octo Expansion. I didn't want them to bring it back, however. Splatoon 2's single player, though more limited in what sorts of levels and challenges it could present, offered a lot of content if you were willing to 1000% it, which I did and had a blast doing.
The bosses left me very, very underwhelmed. Frye's was easily the best, but in large part because there's a decent chance you'll encounter it first once reaching Alterna, meaning your gear is still not great, making it a decent challenge without being too harsh. Shiver's fight just kinda... exists? Not much to say, tbh. Big Man's was a joke for me because by the time I got to him my gear was so upgraded that the game literally pointed out which stingray to hit, making it trivially easy. The Octavio fight was great tho, zero complaints.
The levels themselves were alright. Other than a few levels (LOOKING AT YOU, SITE 5 KETTLE #7 WITH TRI-SLINGER) I didn't have much trouble flying through the entire thing, completing each level within 2 days. The levels were, for the most part, enjoyable.
Now, I know that I shouldn't judge a Splatoon story since they're all very silly, but this one... WOW did I leave it feeling annoyed.
I'll confess that I'm a bit of a Marie fan, so I have some bias here, but the old Agent 3 becoming the captain doesn't sit well with me. As someone who never played the first Splatoon I have zero connection to the character, save for their boss fights from Octo Expansion. Marie, meanwhile, feels like a far better candidate. From a writing perspective there's way more you can do with her, as she can have things that the previous Agent 3 can't have too much of, such as dialog or an actual personality. In-universe she's has shown to be a capable leader, recruiting an agent despite being in a terrible situation where Callie was squidnapped and her grandfather and Agent 3 were off doing who knows what. She almost singlehandedly guided her recruit to victory. Agent 3 did, to their credit, save Inkopolis by saving the Great Zapfish the first time but... that's really it, isn't it? Any other feats are implied. To make matters worse, they sit there and do nothing to aid the new Agent 3 at any point. I'm not going to include their use of the treasure because it could've easily been your player character. It feels like they only got the position so the title of Agent 3 would be available for your player character because... Splatoon 3.
Lastly: The final boss, Mr. Grizz. It was all pretty weird, even by Splatoon standards. Riding a shark with jet engines on it up a spout of ink created by flying eels, only to super jump off of it all the way up to space was funny, but probably not for the reasons Nintendo hoped: I just sat there laughing and thinking "Is this really what we're doing now??"
Then there's the fight itself: The first part of it feels like the buildup to something bigger, which it, so I can't complain, but the final phase was just... bad. Flying Octavio's ship to vacuum ooze off a giant bear while a giant salmonoid swims through the vacuum of space isn't what I was expecting, but boy did I hate every second of it. The music slapped though. Easily the best version of the Calamari Inkantation, with Deep Cut's alternate lyrics and additions sounding amazing.
That all said, I will say that the comedy was great. Enjoyed that quite a bit, but it just can't make up for the parts I didn't like.
Once again, I know that it's silly to criticize a Splatoon game's story, but these things still irked me.
Yes, my wrath knows no bounds. Deep Cut are all pretty… meh? I don’t completely hate them but I don’t love them either, and let me break down why:
In terms of personality, Shiver is the calculating one, Frye is the energetic goofball, and Big Man is the caring friend who looks out for everyone’s wellbeing. That alone would be fine if the single player mode didn’t screw it all up. When your character first runs into the trio in Alterna, they come off as straight up villains. Frye is condescending and threatening, and Shiver has an evil laugh. In their boss fights they continue to be villains, acting condescending and getting flustered in the way that villains tend to do when they’re caught off guard. Shiver especially stood out to me as she flashes you a taunting expression before each of her phases. Big Man is honorable, so he gets a pass, but Shiver and Frye are villains, 100%.
From them we do get what is quite possibly the funniest moment in Splatoon 3, where they demand the treasure and Marie is completely fine with them taking it since they don’t need it, and Deep Cut are completely thrown off by that. A hilarious moment that made me burst out laughing, and I still laugh when thinking about it
But what comes after grinds my gears:
Suddenly having them go “oh we wanted the tressure to sell it to help the needy” gives me so much whiplash that I’m amazed my neck didn’t snap. Every interaction before this presented them as either mysterious or villainous (see: Shiver’s evil laugh) and now it feels like the writers are trying to backpaddle extremely hard so that the idols can still be seen in a favorable light as to not make seeing them elsewhere feel weird.
Onto the Splatcasts. It’s a godsend that we can effectively skip them as they play in the corner of the screen. However, they lack the charm of previous titles due to the maps all being shown at once, giving us less character interactions, combined with the number of characters; Two characters means we can have a nice, easy back and forth dialog between them; One sets up a joke and the other finishes it. You can do that with 3 characters, as they do, but it feels too busy for what little dialog we get. The Splatcasts do their job of announcing the maps, and for some that’s all they ask for and that’s 100% okay, but for this squid it’s a bit of a letdown.
CONCLUSION:
Thank you for making a thread where I can vent out my PERSONAL frustrations. To reiterate from the preface: If you disagreed with me at any point then I want you to know that it’s perfectly fine: My opinions are hardly the be-all-end-all, and I’m glad you’re enjoying an aspect of the game that I don’t as much. I don’t hate Splatoon 3, I’m just left a bit dissatisfied by it. I am optimistic that future updates will fix a few of my gripes.
To end with a bit of positivity: As stated earlier, the Calamari Inkantation is a masterpiece, as well as Deep Cut’s Till Depth Do Us Part. I have listened to both songs more than I’d say is healthy.
Happy splatting out there, and don’t run into any unfriendly splatbombs! !<