Not my story, but I think you'll all enjoy.

Back in the late '80's/early 90's, a friend of mine was a personal assistant for Blake Edwards & Julie Andrews. Every few weeks he would meet up with a bunch of other personal assistants and they would play golf, shoot the shit, and swap stories about their various clients.

One morning they were on the course and they came up on Sean Connery, who was golfing solo. They were having a pleasant conversation and Mr. Connery decided to join their group for the rest of his game.

As they were playing the group started sharing stories about the best sex they've ever had. Everyone takes a turn telling their own torrid tale...except Sean Connery. Whenever somebody asked him to join in, he simply shook his head and said "a gentleman never tells."

Eventually they finish their round and end up at the 19th hole. Drinks are had, food is eaten, and everyone is still swapping stories about their various conquests...except Sean Connery. "A gentleman never tells" he keeps saying.

Finally it's time to head home. Sean Connery waves for the bill and pays for everything. Then he slams the bill fold down on the table and stares around the table and says...

"Petula Clark. 1969. Up the ass."

Then he turned and walked out of the bar.