Yeah, sounds like me but I chose it that way.

I think I’m about average in the looks department. A male friend in university once said that he thinks I’m cute and he would totally make out with me, if he was gay. I’m just going to trust his judgement.

I have a long history of depression. Not the terrible clinical depression where you have to be hospitalized but enough to have a severe impact on my life. My depressive episodes come and go like waves of cold, dark water crashing mercilessly against the shore. People expect you to just snap back to normal once you feel better but it doesn’t work for me this way. I’m not the same person I used to be anymore. It feels like every wave takes a part of me with it.

And that’s why I probably should stay alone, even if that hurts. I don’t take the idea of a relationship lightly. To me, it means that two people come together and take on life as a team. Every decision you make influences not only your life but your partners’ too. You become responsible for each other. I want to make her happy. I want to help her reaching her goals and making all of her hopes and dreams come true but I can’t.

This get’s heavily influenced by the fact that I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in the idea of an afterlife. There is no eternal amusement park on top of a cloud where you meet all your dead relatives. Once your consciousness dies, you’re gone forever. You only got this one shot and I’m not going to ruin this for someone else. I refuse to.

There are no soulmates. The one doesn’t exist. For every woman there are thousands of good men who would make a great partner. It doesn’t have to be me.

And even if I wanted to get into a relationship, the fact that I am almost 30 and still look really young certainly doesn’t help. A few months ago, I was mistaken for a high schooler. A fucking high schooler!