I work for the government in a non /sworn law enforcement capacity in the USA. I want to serve my country and provide for my family. But the BPD stigma is holding me down tightly.

Like many of you, I cannot get help because of the stigma. I am medicating my emotions with drugs, I have suicidal ideation, I am letting my family down by drug use and failure to thrive.

I am drowning, but i don’t know how to help myself. My only surviving parent is crazy (BPD), my spouse is healthy and good, but spouse doesn’t know how to help me, nor do i. I am trapped.

I have a supply of pentobarbital, in full, at the ready. The BPD and GA and chronic depression is killing me. I’ve read many self/help books. I can’t go to AA because I might have put those people in jail. My insurance doesn’t pay for mental health. You and I could have been friends. I am pretty cool, from a close distance. But my thin disguise is melting away. I am sinking. Marcus Aurelius is not saving me. I have a mental disease. Please tell me what to do.