I want to apologize for all of y’all’s behavior over the past couple of weeks. Stanley Kubrick was an okay filmmaker but I alone deserve all of your attention, thought, time, and sympathy. You see, people haven’t been paying much attention to me online lately, even though I’ve been really antagonistic and contrarian. Couldn’t even get you guys on the Kubrick subreddit all riled up. And I started to starve. I mean, obviously no one pays any positive attention to me in real life and so I go online and gather as much negative attention as possible because hey, you’re still talking to me! So now I’m going to just be honest and be the bigger man and I’m going to show you how compassionate I am and apologize on all of your behalf for not giving me enough of what I need. You poor things. Don’t you see how important I am? No? How sad. For y’all. I’m also a little drunk. So I’m feeling real lovey Dovey and since I’m the only person in my apartment Who else will I lay my heart bare to?

I’ll also mention Stanley Kubrick’s daughter’s name and apologize tfor her because she obviously has been thinking non-stop about these incredible things I’ve been saying. You’re forgiven.

Okay, boss your opportunity to tell me “nooooo, it’s okay man! Don’t even worry about it!”

I’ll be over here constantly reloading my page waiting for an Orange Inbox which means that my life has value. See you soon!