Reverse psychology worked for me. Instead of complaining and being completely honest with how I feel about my abusive mom I told my extended family (who I recently became close to again). " I love my mom, she's my mom. But she's very ill." And then I got into all the stuff she'd say and do. This 50 year old woman literally taunted me after my dad died saying "your daddy's dead, you're daddy's dead." Anyways, I said to my family all the stuff she said and then ended with, "but I don't think she meant it. She's just very mentally ill". But, I do think she's mentally ill and meant it too.

For whatever reason, ive noticed if people see you as the one who is caring and empathetic they'll empathize with you more than the abuser, and if you're rightfully spitefull and angry they'll take the abusers side.