You’re describing how I felt a few years ago, for a few years. I felt like “is this it?”. I remember us going on date nights and dreading the work conversations over and over. It was either talking about work or the kids. And i felt lonely.
We went for counseling, sometimes i felt like we “hit” something in the conversation, but then nothing really changed in life.
Marriage has it’s ups and downs. But I think my relationship has improved a lot. He still talks A LOT about work, but he does try to talk about other things. I say “try”, because it is a very conscious effort on his end to tame the need to talk about work. So what has changed?
work challenges. When career changes were happening the ability for him to lean on me and get support was priceless. Marriage can be boring at times, but going through hardship together made us appreciate one another.
I expressed “under lunch/coffee” times things I’d like to get (like casual talk, like his listening ear without starring at phone) and was interested to know what he wants more of. Baby step items. Not life changes. We had a few of those talks that built into the next point
we started scheduled sex. This might be weird for some, but I expressed that I just want us both to know. I dont want to be one that is turning him away and I dont want to have sex if I planned in my mind to do something else or to just go to sleep. The amount of times per week/month doesn’t matter as long as it’s something that sounds good to both. And for you maybe it’s at the same frequency as right now, but just knowing it ahead of time makes us plan better and come more prepared. I started being more fun in bed as a result of knowing. And he was more relaxed because he knew when yes and when not.
We started having more friends in our life. Shared experiences created more conversations.
These were the big things that changed us for the better. I’d say it sounds like you have a good base, because you get along, and baby steps to improvement are definitely possible.
My relationship is not perfect, but I also doubt there’s any perfect relationship of any kind.