The day I have to sit at a dinner and pretend to give a shit about anything besides working and making money, I feel like I'll be fucked.
No. Just means that it will no longer be an appropriate position for you. Once my personality developed in high school, american politics was the single most interesting topic of discussion for me. After x years and a few major influencing life events later, it became money. Talking about making money from deals to the stock market produces more endorphins than any other conversation topic for me.
Do they really expect me to "know" and parrot the shit I am reading without first hand experience at the firm?
No. Contrary to popular belief, the standards for incoming staff and interns are extremely low. If you religiously read the B4 anecdotes from this sub, then intelligently talk about things you've read here with interviewers, you will come off as more prepared than 90%+ of the other candidates because you will be. Most candidates, believe it or not, don't even know what a busy season is or what it entails. I'm a recent hire that has been interviewed by like 10 people before attending an event hosted by the firm, and not once was busy season discussed. I think 80% of the reason I got hired is because I knew about a lot of these things discussed in r/accounting and swallowed the kool-aid pretty aggressively during interviews. And it's not an act. I truly want to become the best auditor i can be, even if that means working holidays, staying late 7 days a week for months at a time, and politely dealing with rude and unresponsive clients. I plan on becoming an entrepreneur in this business aka partner. Many don't think of it that way, but that's exactly what a partnership position is....you are literally becoming a business owner/partner. And business owners, at least the most successful ones, have to know what it is that they're selling and be prepared to sell a lot it within the frames of the law. And if my B4 doesn't make me partner, I'll try my luck with the other 3. If that fails, I'll try my luck with the largest mid tiers RSM/GT/BDO. And if that fails, I'll just take a job in industry while I figure out how to launch my own boutique.