My girlfriend of two years told me a year ago that she loved me while she was really drunk, and for a month I debated on whether she was serious (she's like really, really introverted) or not. I had fallen in love with her and it was a big thing for me to tell her this, and I did.

Around that time she changed positions at work and suddenly had work at random times, started working out, and being real protective of her phone. The third one really freaked me out the most because it was a complete 180 to her normal routine and super obvious.

As I mentioned before she's fairly introverted, but a few months later pretty much all physical affection stopped. She was never big on initiating kisses, hugs, et cetera but then she started moving away when I went in for kisses, etc

I tried to ask her about it after the sex, which wasn't often anyways, pretty much dried up. She got defensive and mentioned a few times where I had whiskey dick as her explanation - she wasn't into sex when I was "at half mast". Of course it's hard for me to accept that as the reason because, well, we rarely even get far enough for me to get my pants off. In our relationship she has initiated sex exactly twice, the rest of the time I have to initiate, and it's super fucking belittling to try to be sexy and flirty only to have your SO literally say nothing, roll over, pick up her iPad, and browse Netflix. Over and over and over.

Leaving a dinner at my parents a little after christmas, she told my brother, in front of me, how she couldn't wait to meet and marry some rich guy.

Over the past few months she has basically stopped texting, Our conversations are more like interrogations where I ask questions, she provides one word answers. If she does initiate a text its usually to give me some bad news like how she's going to be out of town or is feeling too sick to hang out et cetera.

I'm depressed not because I'm mad at her or anything - I'm mad at myself. Confused, really. I have no illusions, the type of things I've listed all point to a few outcomes or possibilities. And yet - I dunno. None of it really sunk in until it dawned on me, this past month, that she never said "I love you" back. I ignored a lot of this stuff because, well, I'm very naïve when it comes to trusting people.

I have no idea what's going to happen to this relationship. I dunno. I've tried bringing stuff up but she doesn't seem real interested in talking about it.

But anyways that's the end of my own personal pity party. I'm not really a sad guy, but this post is the first time I've really sat down and sort of thought about the entirety of the relationship, and stepped back to see how all these little things that she does that just break my heart over and over have all really become a giant problem. The enormity of it is only now sinking in and I feel pretty awful.