“Mission Accomplished” That was the banner that hung at the Ridgeland headquarters of C-Spire New Year’s Eve, where a statewide Fiber To The Home initiative has completed, exceeding all expectations.
Employees chanted “0.00054 Percent!”; representing the amount of Mississippi where this exiting new technology is going to be available.
A total of 26 square miles split between Corinth, Quitman, Starkville, & Ridgeland qualified in time for the December 31 2014 deadline. Calls to the remaining 48,430 square miles of Mississippi were not immediately returned.
C-Spire president Phillip Jacobson proclaimed “For too long, the people of Mississippi have been denied access crucial broadband. I’m proud to say that within months every single Mississippian will be connected to the internet at speeds of 1Gb.”
The audience laughed when 7-year old Natalie Briar naively inquired about the 99.99946% of Mississippi that would not have access the this infrastructure. She was briskly whisked away by her embarrassed mother, but Jacobson was happy to entertain the question to the group of smiling reporters. “We expect more than 100% of the state to move to the 26 square miles where the service will be available.”
Progress has been swift but not without a few snags.
Mr. Jacobson came across a number of homeless individuals in downtown Corinth that were unwilling to commit to the $150/month offering that includes 1Gb internet, television, & phone service. “We explained to them that similar service in other areas of the country can cost as much as $45,000 a month.”
Beverly Hardwick has been one of these homeless individuals in downtown Corinth since 1996. “I told Mr. Jacobson that I am on a fixed income of $35 a week. I did like the fact that the phones included 3-way calling for free but I would have to give them my entire check every month plus another $10 somehow. Plus I’d have to buy a house & a TV. I don’t need the phone, if I have a house then pretty much everybody I know is going to come over all the time. I told Mr. Jacobson to let me know if the price drops & that I can pass a drug test.”
Mayors of other Mississippi cities congratulated C-Spire for their success. When asked, “What is next for your un-connected city”, answers varied little.
“Today we’re focusing on celebrating C-Spire.” Said Biloxi mayor Robert Jones. “If you live in Quitman between the Eastern stoplight & the Community Center, you’re going to be able to download 700 Netflix movies simultaneously. Basically no more waiting.” When pressed about what his own city of Biloxi, he mumbled something about crumbling into a dystopian society within hours.
Hattiesburg City Council Chairman Diane Stevens agreed. “C-Spire’s television service comes with 2 remote controls” exclaimed Stevens, “I wouldn’t even tell my husband about the 2nd remote. I would keep one on the table next to his chair. The other one would be hidden somewhere in another room.” Diane went on to elaborate on her plot: “If he lost the remote I would just go get the other one & tell him I found the one he lost. I don’t know what I would do if he found the lost one while using the new one, I would think of something funny to say like maybe the remote had a baby. Unfortunately my house isn’t paid for so I have to stay in Hattiesburg without C-Spire internet. Mad-Max-style looters have probably already formed clans that will implement a scorched-earth policy to the entire city. Hopefully they’ll preserve some of the historical buildings for their “lair” but they’re going to be stuck with Comcast or AT&T. Congratulations, you’ll be ruling a place where you have to pause YouTube just so it doesn’t buffer in the middle of music videos.”
As a New-Years surprise, all 1,100,000 C-Spire Cellular customers found themselves permanently without Cellphone service at the strike of midnight January 1st. Later that afternoon a text message was sent to all customers explaining that Cellular technology has been eliminated thanks to their statewide fiber deployment. This text message did not reach the customers since service was stopped hours earlier, but customers are encouraged to find instructions for recycling their phones by emailing C-Spire Fiber customer service as soon as their fiber home installation is complete in the upcoming months.
Mississippi residents in unchosen cities with access to a time machine still have the opportunity to pre-register for the service before December 31, 2014 at http://www.cspire.com/home-services/