The most insidious damage begins when your parents and family system are full of personality disordered people. Step-parents who are covert manipulators are devastating in terms of abuse and attachment issues, as are abusers who may be older siblings or younger uncles and aunts who resent the attention you “took away” from them, simply because you were born! “Sibling rivalry” is a whitewashing term for abuse.
My story is too long to tell here, but I was very late dx not long ago, in my 50s. I’ve essentially done a crash grad level course since then in trauma and understanding NPD/BPD in family systems since my ASD and (c)PTSD dx’s, where all of this was finally correctly identified. It was sobering to come to terms with all the bullies that have come after me in my life, including family, work situations, and as frenemies. The overt abuse was easy to spot. What I didn’t see coming were the repeat instances of financial abuse by a master “family “ manipulator. I had to cut off all family contact. My spouse (also on the spectrum) is also facing this revelation and is now under counsel of an attorney and other professionals who can provide oversight.
For context, we are both excellent maskers, level 1, advanced degrees, and never suspected to be autistic until we figured it out and got dx after multiple rounds of terrible burnout. We were both loyal and trusting of family because that’s what we were told you “just do.” We also had clients abuse us in work situations, despite contracts, being a hard ass on deadlines, etc. it didn’t matter. They saw something in us that they wanted to get out of us - for nothing to them - and at all costs to us.
With financial abuse, be ESPECIALLY careful and seek your own representation to review any will or trust documents naming you as a beneficiary after the death of a family member. If you have any twinge of discomfort or sense that something isn’t right with whomever is controlling you with money, contact your state’s Disability Rights office (in the US). Abusers are notorious for using money as a weapon. Patterns of abuse get passed down through generations even more so than assets!
The other book I wanted to mention is “In Sheep’s Clothing” by George Simon, PhD. He has other books also focused on personality/character disordered people, and a good blog.