nope. My life is unaccomplished, dull, depressing, I have no real friends, nobody is there when I need them the most, I'm overworked, My grades are fucking dead, I can never seem to impress anyone, everything I do is a lie, My dreams are fucking shit, few people care about me, I have no talents or redeemable skills, I fuck everything up, I stopped feeling consistent joy, I fake so much shit that I do, I can't even hold a legitimate call with my SO without it being awkward, I can't even see my SO, I have deep insecurities, I can't handle criticism too well, I sleep about 3 hours a night, I spend most of the day doing nothing, my self esteem is nonexistent, I hate looking at myself, I hate hearing myself, I procrastinate too much, I haven't spoken to my dad in months after a specific incident, I live day by day with no exact long term goals, My relationship with my SO is essentially set up to fail, my mood teeters between feeling depressed and feeling tired, My own mother can't understand what i'm saying half the time, everything I do is either half assed or a failure, my relationship with my SO atm boils down to only interacting at school or online making the whole thing feel like a joke, I drown my sorrows in video games, I try to smile on the outside but inside i just wanna cry, I think of suicide on almost a regular basis, my SO's dad hates me (not really surprising when my own does as well), I have little life experiences, I lie too much, I'm pathetic, I'm slightly overweight, I've lost the will to keep going, My SO and I have never gone on legitimate dates, I hold in too much things that bother me that later build up, Out of the 6 and a half months we've been dating have my SO and I met during the weekends, I make my SO sad way too much, I haven't even made an attempt to at least see my SO over the summer but then again that'll just get shot out of the air, and i'm just a pathetic excuse for a human being. So no. I'm not happy. Sometimes I think I should maybe kill myself through hanging, OD on pills, etc but i'm too much of a fucking coward to do it anyways. So for now i'm stuck in this shitty limbo where people will tell me "it gets better" when it doesn't. Never has. It's only gotten worse if anything. Then with my shitty fake smile i'll say "it will." when deep inside I know it won't. I've also come to realize in life when you need it the most nobody is there for you. In those times when you need it the absolute most nobody is there except for the empty abyss that is nothing. So no. I'm not really happy.