I know I'm only 17, but there are a few reasons as to why I can't even get a girlfriend:
My sister tells me to wait until college, and she'd probably flip a shit if I actually found a girlfriend. I honestly see her point, but she's had 3 boyfriends by now, her first being when she was, like, 14. Honestly, I want to be able to make my own goddamn choices in life, but even if I did, there is one glaring problem, and the second reason.
There is no girl I like that I could possibly get with, or want to get with, and vice versa. Every girl i've liked is either taken, gone, not interested (most likely), or crazy. And any girl that has shown a liking to me, they either don't interest me, or I'm really oblivious.
Reason #3, I'm in a very complicated place in life. I'm looking into colleges, I'm 6 months away from graduation, moving up to being a fully-fledged adult, making my own damn decisions in life, taking it on alone, no one to hold my hand, my turn to show the world what I can do with just my mind, mouth and hands (and 80G in savings for tuition, on top of financial aid, but that's our little secret.) I'll have a job, college, and extracirriculars, homework, studying, so much new stuff to have to take care of, to get comfortable with, I probably won't have time for a relationship, especially one that could potentially become long-distance. That would be crazy, and potentially ruin a relationship, especially with someone i'd probably really like, and I don't want that.
However, I know that circumstance isn't entirely to blame. I know that myself in general is a main problem. I'm not exactly the spitting image of perfection. In all honesty, if i put on a trilby, I'd probqbly involuntarily become a new member of le reddit armie. Well, I'm not that ugly. I'm close though, i won't deny. I'm not really fit, or that outgoing, or smart. On the outside, I'm probably just seen by a lot of people as an attention whore, or a future bum. I'm probably mainly seen as a loner. I'm not really seen as much at all. Hell, I've sat alone for the first time in, like, a year. I feel like an abandoned puppy, neglected, let out to die.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE NO GODDAMN PRIDE!
I've done a lot in my high school career, mainly in the music and theatre department. For three years I've been in the school's Theatre performances, musicals, hell, I've been in the select chorus for my school, as well as region chorus and All-State. I've even had the honor of going with the theatre department to preform in the fringe festival. My chorus has been #1 in all of its competitions. We've been invited to Hershey park AND fuckin Disneyworld. Do you know how many peolple have the honor of performing there, excluding those dressed up as disney characters? Not alot! I'm proud of myself, as well as those who helped me go so far with my abilities. Maybe, i'd like some recognition from a cute girl once in a while for my accomplishments and see me as more than the kid who sits alone. I'll definitely better myself even more if it means I'll have someone who can give me some congratulatory affection.
Now, if you've stuck with me for this long, you probably want to know why I would want a girlfriend at all, right? Some of you are probably in your mid-to-late 20s, having the time of your life being single, and I get that. I honestly enjoy the time to myself that I get. But it's a main need I feel I don't have a lot of: voluntary love. I know I have family, and I'm thankful for the support they give, but outside of family, I don't really have anything. I've had friends, but we've gotten so distant from one another. I've even flat-out gotte. Dumped by my best friend, who i'd considered a brother for so long. I've been so lonely throughout my life. I've been through so much, my parents fighting every night for 9 years until they separated, my mother's death, those 30 minutes of me waiting for my dad by my mom's corpse, while my sister cried elsewhere, events that flat out tore the family apart, followed by more fighting from my dad and sister. So much yelling, so much anger. It also didn't help that my dad was usually at work, or on a business trip, and my sister was with her friends. Things have gotten a lot better, though. My dad got a girlfriend, and they've been happy. My sister's been pretty happy, i think. But then there's me. My dad would be at his girlfriend's house, and my sister with her friends. I'd just be at home. But then, imagine when I'd get a phonecall from my sweerheart. We'd talk about our days, how we're doing, when she'd like to hang out. I love family, but they have all the reason to give me affection. We have no bad blood these days, si they would have no reason to not give me afrection. But imagine that someone who is there, not because they feel they need to, but because they want to, for no reason but to want to be with you, a friend you could never lose. And when the day's over, you can smile at them, and the forever you can spend with them, as long as you just try, then embrace eachother, whispering sweet nothings in their ear.
Maybe i'll find that someone one day. But until then, I'll gladly endulge in what the single life has in store for me.