Because I've only recently left a gaslighting, emotionally, financially & verbally abusive 10 year marriage based on a massive lie that my husband told me the second we met.
The next 10 years was me knowing something was quite off, having a guess at what it was, only to then have the worlds greatest liar (seriously he makes mid 6 figures in sales with only a high school education, which is basically exaggerating if not outright lying. Dude could sell snow to Alaskans) insist I was crazy for thinking something was wrong.
My parents were both super verbally abusive & I coped by just shutting my feelings off for them before I was a teenager, & I did the same to him so all that stuff just slid right off me, but gaslighting sticks with you. It makes you doubt everything you feel, even see & hear.
Eventually I had proof, confronted him with it & that's when he became odd the charts verbally abusive. He would never be physically abusive the same way bc I fought competively for 15 years & he knows it. I did fear a LOT (as in I still have nightmares, 6 months later) that he'd kill me when my back was turned, bc that's what his type does. I barricaded myself into the bedroom at night, slept with a hammer under my pillow, I showered with my eyes open & a butcher knife until I was able to flee with the help of amazing friend.
It's gonna be a while til I'm ready to trust anyone enough not to be single. Honestly I can't imagine it but I am a thirst monster so I imagine eventually that'll get me out there. But I will never marry again. And probably never have a real relationship again, he destroyed my trust in everything.
I still can't believe it happened to me. That I let him lie to me for so long, always suspecting the truth. I hate myself for it. Related: I need a new therapist!