Are there any married redditors aged 30+ who will talk with me?

I've been friends with (I will call him Jake) for about fourteen years. We met in high school, became good friends, and then became best friends probably after high school. He has called me his best friend on countless occasions and I have spent more time with him over the last 14 years than anybody even after he moved an hour away.

So a few years ago he got married and they popped out a couple of kids very quickly. They are now 2 and I believe 8 months old. They are also filing for bankruptcy because he is so far in debt. If it weren't for her parents being extremely well off, I'm not sure how bad there situation would be.

It was sometime in the last 12 months that I finally opened up to him about my struggles with mental illness, which have been getting worse and worse (he sort of knew because after he proposed to his girlfriend he had to hunt me down because I had moved back in with my parents after a mental breakdown and I cut off contact 100% with the outside world, didn't shower for 6 months etc etc). He was the only friend who made sure I was still alive, cared at all, etc etc, definitely a true friend. But I didn't really open up about this until the last year because it's extremely difficult to talk about.

So fast forward to these last few months. I've been telling him exactly how bad it is, how awful the house is that I'm in (I won't go into that, you'll just have to trust me that this house is killing me), how I can't get better here, how I need help and can't do this myself, how I need my life situation to change, that I'm sick of trying and don't want to live anymore. And so now these last couple of weeks I've began to wonder why he doesn't want me to come stay with him for a little while. He has said, if you need a place for a couple days (I italicize this because he is stressing those words himself), I can come crash. I won't get into this much further, but I can tell that, for whatever reason, he doesn't want me coming to stay with him. I know his wife doesn't like me and he has two small children and a busy life, but I can't help but being hurt that I would be such a burden to him while he knows how poorly I'm doing. It's hurtful that he would be so against having me there if I was doing well or not, and it's not like I'd want to move in, I would not want to take more than a few weeks or a month just to get myself reset or whatever. Just trust me when I say it's obvious he doesn't want me to stay.

Tell me what he must be seeing this like. Basically I can only think of two things: He is either not that good of a friend or his marriage is not doing well. If his marriage was doing poorly, I'd rather just go ahead and put a gun to my head than break up his family. I may be bipolar, but he knows I wouldn't be an actual threat to him or his family. I just don't know what his life must be like. if having two small kids really is all somebody can handle. I just feel like there are people out there who do more for people they feel less responsible for.

I just need help sorting out if I'm being unreasonable, if he's a bad friend, or whatever. Thank you for taking your time and I'm sorry as I'm sure you had no idea what you were getting into.

/r/AskReddit Thread Parent