A huge part of me wants to find someone to start a family, and have children with.

But when I think about it pragmatically, I know it probably wouldn't work out for me. Love holds a lot of things together, and it would be too easy for me to just walk away when things weren't going well. I don't put up with any bullshit, and it's not difficult for me to cut off someone who is causing me grief. I even wonder whether I'd love my children...

I'm pretty self-reliant, and not particularly trustful. My career field shows me the worst in people. There are a lot of freaky people out there, and most victims know their perpetrator. The risk vs. reward is not particularly positive.

Then, there's a part of me that doesn't want to pass on these genes. I'm ok with being asexual. I'll tell myself that I'm not broken, that I am the way I am and that's fine. But I wouldn't wish asexuality on my kids. This is a sexual world, with sexual people, and the chances are just too high if I have children with an asexual-spectrum partner. I don't know if I would adopt.

And then I saw a thread on here about people dating asexuals because they're sex-averse due to trauma and other developed conditions. I have sympathy for people with these traumas and illnesses, but I couldn't handle a partner with that kind of baggage absent a strong emotion connection.

So overall, asexual dating seems like an exercise in futility that might expose me to unpleasant emotions and even danger, for no real reason.

End of life care-wise, I'll just put myself in a home. By then, those retirement facilities will be equipped with the best computer/console gaming retirement money can buy, and I'll die blowing shit up in virtual reality.