I’ve always maintained that if I ever meet my exact doppelgänger that I’m going to immediately try to kill him by any means necessary, no negotiations, because there’s no good reason for him to be in the same place as me unless he’s trying to take over my life, and I ain’t going out like that. Immediate death for any motherfucker that looks too much like me.

When I told my wife this, she protested and convinced me to amend that if I happen to see my doppelgänger with a doppelgänger of my wife and/or daughter, then (after confirming they’re not mine) I’ll let him go, because they’re presumably happy and settled down, and I don’t have to worry about him stealing my life, as he has one of his own.

However, if my wife and I are ever together and we come across the paired doppelgängers of ourselves, it’s back on, they’re clearly trying to replace both of us and steal our baby, and we ain’t going out like that.