Honestly, I (23F) find myself doing something similar to this. More than I'd like to admit. Sparing the details, I got butt hurt and anxious when my ex didn't include me in plans. But he did cheat on me once (that I know of) and I became super paranoid after that. I broke it off 2 years later after realizing I couldn't rebuild trust with him.

That relationship really set me up to fail with any future ones. Even if everything seems perfect, my mind makes up these "what if" scenarios. They seem really real to me and I end up doubting everything and just cutting things off before I start causing more issues...

Basically what I'm trying to get at is that maybe there's some past trauma that's causing her to act this way. Not that it's an excuse. It also sounds like she's doing the "I'm gonna get you before you get me" kinda thing by threatening to kick you out, leaving you stranded, etc.

I'd say you could try and talk to her about it but the best thing for me has been time to myself. I've been working on my own issues and trying to rebuild my confidence so I can be in a relationship without being so toxic.