You are dependent. I can see where "addicted" has negative connotations, even though it's technically correct. Your doctor doesn't seem to be handling this whole thing super well lol

So yeah, if I were your doctor, I would switch you to clonazepam instead of Ativan. It's approved to treat panic. And if you're being forced to taper but you're still having panic attacks, then she's not treating the panic. Some people need benzos. They just do. Some need them short-term, and some need them long term.

I would consider going to another psychiatrist just for a consultation. I bet they recommend an SSRI like Lexapro as well.

Sorry you're dealing with this, but I wish you the best. You'll get through it.