For the hysterical daughter, Zolpidem. Give her 2.5 mg at bed time and then close the door.. Let her fuss for as long as she needs but it's unlikely she'll be able to fight through the sleeping meds for very long. And once she's out, she will be out cold for hours. At that point, if you want to swing from the cieling fan and howl like a couple of baboons, it shouldn't wake her up.
Anyway, talk to your Pediatrician about this. Most likely he'll say to just close the door and let freak out until she's too tired to carry on any longer or maybe he'll recommend therapy or maybe he'll recommend anti-anxiety meds instead.
In any case, I hope that this situation can be resolved.