I honestly do not believe I am attractive enough to have a relationship, even though I have evidence to say otherwise.

I am not asexual either. I just do not really trust myself when it comes to sexual attraction.

Have you ever wanted something but because it was within reach, you refused it? And then someone else took it and that made you desire it even more and actively freak out because you actually really, really wanted it?

That's how I feel about this. I want to have sex, but until I am unworthy (like a virgin in my 60s, overweight, and on disability), I do not have any desire to actually take the risk. Only once it has been removed do I wish to do it.

Until then, I am just a loser who could get laid. I need to be a loser who will never ever have a chance at getting laid, then I would want it even more.