I can’t go anywhere or do anything and be anonymous to strangers and not getting either hit on or have weird comments made about my body / face ( grocery stores , routine check ups , mechanical appts , doctors , police officers , bosses I’ve had , men in power etc basically you name it, even the pastor at my grandmothers palliative care home .... ughhhhh) . I can’t run without thinking of my routes and safety precautions ( knife , spray , charged cell phone in case I need to call the police or someone I know to come get me ) . I hate going out in public , pre pandemic I was already either picking up orders , shopping online or having contactless delivery to minimize my interactions with ppl in general but also to avoid creepy men and being followed home ( has happened many times ). I never ever did dating apps even in my single days because I knew it would just increase the weirdness in my life . I was stalked at 15 at my first ever job ... a guy would come stand behind a CD player with the headphones on staring at me for hours and hours . Every workplace I’ve ever been at someone sexually harasses me whether it be the ppl I work with/ for or the ppl who come in as customers / workers . Right now I basically stay home , make art , and work for my bf occasionally because my social anxiety has gotten so high from the constant harassment that I no longer like going to a workplace with public interaction and haven’t figured out what to do from home just yet . I constantly deactivate my social media accts, I’ve had many impersonations happen ( fake accts/ catfish / scams ) . It’s kind of exhausting . Sometimes I admit I just accept it and will take the benefits that come along with it . Fuck I posted a pic on here and ppl freaked out . Maybe I shouldn’t have and hid some more but I don’t know what to do sometimes I want to be normal and sometimes I embrace it. It’s this double edged sword as I know it’s given me bonuses in life that others don’t get and special treatment . But it also makes other things difficult , stressful and annoying . I’m always worried about the next person to try and sexually assault me ( it has happened since childhood by different offenders ) or try to kidnap me / murder me. Anyone who knows me personally knows this is the case and sees what my world is like . It’s blessed and fucked at the same time. Sorry for the essay and being lame about it just it’s not often I can rant about this to anyone so it feels rather cathartic . If you guys get weird about the pics I have posted on here I’ll delete them right away . Thanks reddit I absolutely love this community and it’s the one saving grace for me online .