So I think a lot of what you’re feeling has to be anxiety because I know that’s what I have and you sound exactly like me, unless I have autism somehow. It seems like you’re over analyzing your condition because a lot of “non-autistic” people feel this way too. You literally described me, I can relate to everything you said meanwhile my brother is actually autistic and I’m jealous of him because he never shows any sign of insecurity. He’s just in his own world and doesn’t care what people think and I don’t know how he does it while my entire personality is fake

My advice: more practice. Maybe leave the discord server and focus on yourself, try not compare yourself to other people so much even if it seems impossible. They seem like jerks anyway. Talk to people like you talk to your mom, it’s hard to get comfortable but you’ll learn. You have to find people who won’t judge you for who you are (unlike that discord chat?). Honestly I have also watched videos and over analyzed people’s movements but it just made me more insecure and paranoid so maybe you should also avoid that? Im basically a robot now and I’ve let all my impulsive thoughts take over my brain. You could also try counseling or something, that’s always an option. It’s important that you loosen that habit though because it’ll drive you crazy, I know it drives me crazy. I’ve actually just sat and cried about it before. Reddit is a good way to help with social skills because nobody knows you, it’s good to adopt charismatic character but not someone’s entire character, you know? My brother also has Reddit so I know that it’s helped him out

Sorry if none of this helps because I suck at communicating, but just know you’re not alone