Avoiding romantic relationships because of parents

I'm 38 and my nmom ingrained it into my mind from very early that any romantic relationship I had would be betraying her. She instilled self-doubt and fear so that any promising person I met I would pull away anxiously/fearfully. So I completely understand where you're coming from.

If she did "encourage" me to have relationships after period of years of holding me back and putting me down, it would be like "go on, I bet you won't find anyone."

Narcissistic parents are very weird when it comes to their children's relationships with their preferred gender. It represents a loss of control and they always need to be first place, even when they have nothing to offer their adult children. They're from a completely different generation, 30 years older, like how could they relate to a young person in 2022.

Its very lonely as the other poster said, but the only thing that will conquer the fear is acting against it. So when you meet someone you like etc. just go with it. You don't owe your parents anything. Its only a problem if you tell them, if my mom never pryed into my personal life she wouldn't have been so triggered. But narc parents are like that, always in their children's business. And I didn't know how to gray rock back then.

With regards to the weight, I'm still working on my covid weight myself. Fasting helps, and it works fast but I find that it terrible for my mental health, as I already deal with negative thoughts/rumination. So if you find the mental aspect difficult, maybe its best to do low carb/keto for a bit.

Even with the weight to lose, I'm still going to the bars and living my life. You can lose weight at any time, at your own pace. Anyone you meet would be glad to know that you're working on yourself and you don't have to lose the whole 40 pounds to start looking and feeling better, especially in the face with bloating/water weight.

Lastly, your dad's a fucking asshole for that comment about punching above your weight, if someone likes you, they fucking like you and they're not thinking about imaginary attractiveness points (which are very subjective).

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread