I've been reading about the Aziz Ansari scandal and it has me enraged. I was molested as a 7 year old girl by a 17 year old male family friend. I told no one about it then, only my husband and now, you, Reddit, know about it.
I am so pissed off at "Grace". She went back to Ansari's apartment and got naked, where he forced his fingers down her throat. She gave him non-verbal cues. She voluntarily reformed fellatio on him. My brothers friend snuck into my bathroom and forced his fingers inside me. He cornered me in a park and forced himself on me. I was 7. I didn't know you could say no to an adult.
I was confused and worried. I thought I was doing something wrong and it was my fault. I worried my parents would be mad at me if I told them so I never did, I still haven't.
Every time he saw me after that, he would motion to me that his fingers smell like me. I dreaded being alone with him and avoided him until I moved away. I haven't seen him in 16 years. I had a breakdown 6 years ago when I found out he was married and had a daughter, and went on a week long drug bender. I pray for them, they are thousands of miles away, but I pray for them.
I didn't have dinner with him, no red or white wine. I didn't go to his apartment and watch Seinfeld. He forced himself upon me whenever he could. At least 5 times that I can remember, until I mustered the courage to say no and walk away. It took a lot to walk away from a near adult as a 7 year old. It took a lot to ignore him every time he smirked and teased me that he had violated me in my most precious and sacred place, that I was "worth" less than before because of it.
I have a son now, and as soon as he can speak I'm going to tell him what it means to not want to do something, and that it's always ok to walk away. Even if an adult tells you it's ok. Especially if you're uncomfortable. Mama will always protect if you feel unsafe.
"Grace's" experience doesn't invalidate mine, but it diminishes it. Ansari may have been an ass but this doesn't sound like molestation. It sounds like a bad hookup. I've had those too, and you know what I did? I walked out. I definitely didn't stay and watch Seinfeld.
So fuck you, Grace. Fuck your 24 year old adult self who threw herself at a celebrity, and now regrets it and is crying wolf. You suck.
Signed, 7 year old me.