Spinal Alignments... a story by pretend Kafka (with some notes of Seuss)

The chief describes the situation that has transpired to the press:

"We cornered the suspect when..."

"Excuse me officer, of what crime was the suspect suspected?"

"Why, being suspicious, of course! We cornered the suspect when he suddenly looked in the opposite direction, as if he might flee, and our officers quickly reacted..."

"Excuse me, sir, to what were you officers reacting?"

"Why, the imminent possibility of a suspect reaction of course! Our officers reacted quickly, tackling the suspect, but as they still fear for their life..."

"Excuse me, chief, why did your officers fear for their lives?"

"Because all men die, of course! And after thousands of years we all know certainly well that death can come at any time, and any place! Our officers tackled the suspect and subdued him until he stopped struggling and..."

"Excuse me, sorry to interrupt again, monsieur, but how did the officers 'subdue' the suspect?"

"Why, they ensured that the suspect could no longer struggle, of course, to protect themselves and everyone else! And, unfortunately, tragically, unpredictably, sadly, unbelievably, in the course of the subjugation of the suspect, the suspect's spine, became, irrevocably and tragically misaligned."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...any further questions, esteemed colleagues of the fourth estate?"

"Ahh, just one, Herr Chief, did your officers attempt first aid at the scene?"

"Ehhh, no. No."

"And why?"

"Why? And why? Because my officers were quite tired, at the time, at the couldn't risk the fact that at any moment, another suspect might come dashing around the corner with a dangerous, well-oiled, efficient, reliable, fully-loaded and thoroughly pliable, criminal spine, of course!"