Wow, you go to the food bank while he's out buying $1400 guns. That really sucks. He's not only abusing you and the kids, he is abusing all of us. I'm really sorry you are feeling so desperate but let me tell you, suicide is not the way to solve this. Your children need you. We just can't have them end up with him. They need you. What state are you in? (So we know how to direct the services this is going take). You wanting a way out...suicide. What you really want is a way out of the relationship. Problem is, you've done it before. How did you leave before that is different, or stopping you, from leaving now? If you have any children in school, maybe you could slip a note in for the teacher explaining your situation. If she/he could give you resources to help you escape. I'm using escape because you sound like he is keeping you from leaving, basically by making sure you don't have any means to leave, he is. You could also ask at the food bank for help. They are usually volunteers or nuns if it is a church run food bank. You are not alone and many people would be willing to help you leave. Because you did leave and went back doesn't mean you made a mistake. You gave it another try, and for a good reason, your kids. My advice is do what you think is best for the kids because there isn't a relationship with your husband to save. He abused that love and trust, twice. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for the dog and children he abuses. You have to be willing to press charges on the abuse and rapes. This is so the children stay in your protection. Also the dog, charge him with animal abuse. There is always a way when there is a will to do so. Take any and all thoughts out of your mind about suicide and turn the focus on a plan of leaving. Take everything seriously. Every threat...especially now that he has expensive guns in the house. He dangerous. I understand he works at home but try and think of people who know you. The mailman, the grocery store clerk, the hairdresser, the children's doctor's office, teachers, and anybody you can think of to tell them about your situation to get the help and real support you need. Don't pay any attention to his useless threats of what will happen to you. They are only meant to scare you into staying by means on controlling you. Last advice: Now a days you don't necessarily need a bank account to leave someone. Take his debit card and/or bank card to withdraw anything in the account. If your name isn't on it and you don't have a PIN number, go into the bank and tell them you want to withdraw and why. They will call the right resources to help you once they hear your story. Just make sure all the kids are with you and the dog is in the car. That way, it's easier for social services to find you all temp housing.